Assorted Adventures
by Korora
Summary: Various characters. Part 2: Gone Cuckoo. Once again, Wile E. Coyote has a hankering for a cuculiform dinner.
1. Annoy the Workingman

Author's note: Elmer Fudd's lines are in bold type, Bugs Bunny's are in italic, and the boss' lines are in bold italic. Scene directions are in normal type.

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Elmer Fudd is in his office, typing at a computer.

**Ah, glad to have an job here at Nowabbit Internet Suppowt. No wascawwy wabbits awound.**

He checks his watch. 

**Wunchtime.**

He rummages around and doesn't find his lunch.

**My wunch!**

He looks out the window and sees Bugs Bunny eating the carrot sticks from his lunch.

His face contorts in rage.

**Why that expwetive-deweted wabbit.**

He dashes out of the room. Scene changes to outside. Bugs has finished the carrots.

_What's up, doc?_

**You ate my cawwots!**

_And is it too much to hope for that the celery wasn't yours too?_

**You wicked wabbit! That was aww my wunch; I'm on a diet!**

_And I just helped your diet._

Elmer Fudd's face contorts in rage and turns bright red.

**But that was wo-fat and wo-cawb!**

Scene switches to Elmer Fudd in his office drawing up a contract.

**… and in no way wiww Mr. Bunny annoy Mr. Fudd. Bweach of contwact wiww wesuwt in the consumption of Mr. Bunny by Mr. Fudd.**

Scene with Bugs Bunny and Elmer Fudd meeting outside. Elmer Fudd shows Bugs Bunny the contract.

**Now sign on the dotted wine, wabbit.**

Bugs Bunny eats the contract.

_Could have used some salt, doc._

Elmer Fudd's face contorts in rage and turns bright red. Smoke pours from his ears.

**I'ww get you fow this, wabbit stew!**

Elmer Fudd takes an elevator to the top and sees a peregrine falcon.

**Would you wike a nice tasty wabbit?**

The falcon bites Elmer Fudd's hand.

**OW!**

The scene changes; Elmer Fudd is back in his office. Bugs Bunny is just outside the window. Elmer Fudd dips a piece of paper in a bottle marked "POISON" and opens the window to give Bugs the paper. Bugs sniffs it.

_Yuck. That stinks._

Then Bugs notices text on it in Elmer's handwriting. "E-mail login. Name: efudd. Password: wabbitstew." Bugs rubs his paws together with glee

_Hee hee hee. He is so in trouble now._

New scene: Bugs Bunny typing on his computer that night.

…_and basically you are unfit to run a bird's nest, let alone a business. Signed, Elmer Fudd. Now I click send. Hee hee hee. _

The boss enters his office the next morning.

_**What's this? From Elmer Fudd, called "A Weview of youw management skiwws.". What!?**_

Elmer Fudd comes in for work.

**Good mowning, Mr. Nowabbit.**

_**You're fired!**_


	2. Gone Cuckoo

I do not own Looney Tunes; Warner Bros. does.

**Gone Cuckoo**

The roadrunner is dashing down the road at his normal speed.

"The Roadrunner: _Cuckoobirdius reallyfastus"_

Crouched behind a rock, Wile E. Coyote is hungry.

"The Coyote: _Eatius birdius"_

Wile E. chases the Roadrunner up hill and down dale. Just as he Wile E. closes in for the kill, the Roadrunner blows a raspberry at him, beeps at him, and dashes off. The road warps behind him and Wile E. produces a sign reading "I GOTTA LEARN HOW TO DO THAT."

Wile E. Coyote buys an Acme Jet-Scooter. He boards it, sets it going, and takes some time to get his balance. In the meantime, friction has shaved his back. He overshoots the Roadrunner and zips off a cliff. Then his Jet-Scooter runs out of fuel. He's just about to reach the other side when the Roadrunner appears and points down. Wile E. looks, splays in fright, and tumbles down. He produces a sign reading "YIPE!" and then impacts.

Wile E. Coyote is pacing back and forth. Hmm… He's got it!

He sits on a ledge with an anvil. What he's forgetting is that the road runs along this ledge too, so the Roadrunner comes along and beeps at Wile E. The latter drops the anvil in shock and jumps through an overhang.

He draws an x in the road and pours Acme birdseed("A real tweet") and sets up a Rube Goldberg apparatus. He cuts a rope holding a weather balloon in place. The weather balloon carries a match the strikes against a rock outcropping and lights the fuse to a firecracker tied to a rope from which hangs a sixteen-ton weight. But the rope doesn't give when the firecracker goes off. Wile E. chases the Roadrunner but slips. He catches his balance -- on a cactus. He detatches himself with a resounding "Yeow!"

He gets an Acme CD player and an Acme Birdsong Ear Training Guide and sets it to repeat on Greater Roadrunner, track 78. The Roadrunner comes running up with a sign saying "THIS IS **MY** TERRITORY!" Then he sees the CD player, blows a raspberry at Wile E, beeps at him, and dashes off. Wile E. gives chase but misses a turn and falls off a cliff.

Wile E. fakes a railroad crossing. Just when he's placed the lights, they start blinking and the bell ringing; it has become a genuine crossing and a train is coming. It plows right into Wile E. When it has passed, the Roadrunner happens along. The Roadrunner beeps at at Wile E. as he passes.

We see a blueprint headed "**USE ROADRUNNER'S SPEED AGAINST HIM**." Pictures show the steps of the Roadrunner getting his neck caught in a noose tied to a rock. "1: NOOSE IN PLACE. 2: ROADRUNNER COMES. 3: ROADRUNNER GETS NECK TANGLED IN NOOSE. 4: DINNERTIME!" Wile E. sets the noose up. The Roadrunner comes and pulls the noose with him. He is unharmed. Wile E. gives chase but the sixteen ton weight from the Rube Goldberg trap finally falls and it lands on him.

He is arranging a wooden chute to roll a bomb down. One board is spanning a gorge but when he tries to cross it, it snaps under him and down he goes.

He finally gets the chute set up. He sets the bomb into place. When the Roadrunner shows up, Wile E. strikes a match but it hits the chute before the bomb. The chute burns up and the bomb rolls onto the ground. It blows up, scorching him.

He sets up a sign in the middle of the road showing a cliff and paints a road going off the cliff. The Roadrunner bursts through the painting, but Wile E. hits it. He then staggers off the cliff.

He places an Acme Mega-Roll of Dynamite under a stone bridge. The Roadrunner comes with a "Beep beep," and Wile E. hits the primer. The bridge blows up but the Roadrunner is unharmed. He blows a raspberry at Wile E, beeps at him, and dashes off.. Then a shadow appears over Wile E., who pulls out an umbrella just before a piece of the bridge lands on him. "THE END" appears on it.

"That's all, folks."


End file.
